Another thing to take into consideration when helping your son or daughter find their passions and interests is whether or not they are more naturally introverted or extroverted. My mom kept saying go you will have fun and that I wasn’t going to sit on my butt all day. Hearing things like this puts me on edge and I start to wonder if I have made a mistake by signing him up for this program. It is always difficult to do. This article helped me see that it’s not wierd that I like being by myself. Is that a symptom of being an introvert? She is very intelligent too but don’t try as hard as she could for good grades. Be loud and draw attention to yourself when you are around their peers. Is this normal?” I am frequently asked questions like these by parents of children who have just entered their teens. We need time to think before we speak. As an introverted teen, you tend to be more introspective and reflective than many of your friends. Thanks for a great article!! I need to shut up and just be present for her. I can’t get her to church or clubs so finding similar personalities is difficult. She is lucky enough to have some good friends who understand and call her their “pet cat”. I will ask about what they learned what to do in a specific situation etc. This probably isn’t true. he has started the school year off on a very withdrawn foot, not having much to say. I want to help him but don’t know where to turn. She is now 16. If you're like many introverts who are single and alone for the holidays, I feel your pain. She can’t function when she is on overload. My mom didnt want me to be an introvert like my dad and she dnt accept me as an introvert. We need time and space to mentally process the issue at hand before we can discuss things. I am extraverted the same with my first two daughters, then I had a 3rd daughter and I knew as a baby she was different then what I was use to. Making new friends can be daunting, even online. . I have always thought because he was alone all the time that he was depressed and lonely so I pushed and pushed for him to meet friends at school and of course this school year I forced him to join clubs. If not then the gap will be filled in with a peer group. I feel the same exact way! I think you should just tell them the definition of an introvert, that you are drained by being with people. Please?? Your daughter needs love, acceptance and companionship. Be strong, consistent, loving gentle and focused. I am now rethinking going to a phychologist and just really trying to embrace what an awesome kid I have while respecting his need to be alone. I’m so glad I found this article! Or just a teen thing? Was there any thing else I didn’t address? I’m just wondering if you still check this site/reply comment? Are you often surprised by the differences and similarities between you and your teenager as they begin to individuate in adolescence? Reply. I was glad she was able to do so. Listening is a HUGE deal. Listen and empathize keep advice to a minimum. Introverts are better in small settings. Even though your introverted teen needs time alone to recharge, do encourage them to find likeminded friends to enjoy activities with. Teens solve problems by lying because it’s a short cut. In case you couldn’t guess, my kids are introverts. When I was a teen, I thought I was overly emotional and hated that I would burst into tears over the smallest things — even when I wasn’t feeling sad! I hope by reading thesebi can learn to be ok with my son just wanting to keep to himself once he isn’t at school. I used to always be trying to encourage him to go out and party but he’s happiest in his room or with family. They get frustrated with our tendency to pull away and thus get more aggressive and pushy. SHe is hard to handle but easy to manage because for her to get what she wants she must do what we want first. I know there are a lot of introverts with social anxiety who will benefit from reading this. ? Of course I tell my mom and sister and they just keep asking about it and being like “ooo you are going out with ‘his name. I hate how being reserved is mistaken for rudeness. It would seem very cold to me. is my teen’s introversion inhibiting them from experiencing overall wellbeing, or is it just different from the way I am? Your introverted child has secret strengths, says Susan Cain in her new book Simply put, an introvert refuels by spending time alone, and an extrovert draws energy from interaction. This is how my teen is too, and at least I understand, as I am an introvert. Greenbrier Academy can be your introverted teen daughter’s safe place through her high school years, or offer a reset to build her confidence and infuse a sense of community and meaning in her life. The more extroverted teen may require more company and hence more driving around to social activities. It doesn’t mean you need to constantly take her out or lavish her in romantic gestures. Astonishingly, even at a young age, many of them can step outside themselves and reflect on their own behavior. My sister is an introvert too, and my brother is an ESTJ (it’s funny because my sister and I are INFPs). My parents don’t know that I am an introvert and they try to push me into doing things I don’t want to do, like spend time with them or go to public places. Today. I have an introvert son aged 19 and this article has been amazing to read. Your sharing is bringing about a revelation in how I can be a better parent. My dad was an marine so talking head is the worst idea imaginable. The folks on the other end of that screen are his friends. The development of willfulness is not naturally endowed but is learned from experience of family life often from the very parents who wish such willfulness would subside. I understand where he is coming from. Deb. I don’t know if I am an introvert or have social anxiety problems or both but I just have problems with hanging out with people outside of my family. For example, a teacher may tell you that your child is having trouble socializing because he doesn't enjoy working with other students in group activities. Very proud that he stuck with getting his diploma. My teenage daughter has become angry, rude and distant . She wants to be like her sister and even hangs out with her sister and friends sometimes because she doesn’t keep in contact with her 2 friends! Here's how to gain control of your, Introverts crave meaningful connections, but that's not always easy over Zoom. Each meets just once a week, allowing for plenty of down time. She may be pushing your child to participate more enthusiastically. Posted May 10, 2018 . Then leave the kid alone for a while. One important thing to do as you raise your introverted teen is to understand what being introverted means. I think she could benefit from meeting with a specialist to counsel her on social anxiety, although she hasn’t admitted outright that she has phobias.. Would appreciate your advice. 3. It might appear that she is stubborn or uninterested but I feel like there is a level of fear and anxiety about being a leader even though she’s been with the same group of girls for a few years. I know you would drive anywhere for your kid, but I'm just saying... 2. So, I thought I’d put together a few simple guidelines to help you better connect with your introverted teen. Share Via. As you imply in your openig para, intorversion is often (always?) Most introverts hate conflict and will do almost anything to avoid it. Your introverted teen is not broken just because he or she doesn’t like the same activities you did growing up. Conversely, we really appreciate it when people give us the chance to talk about our passions. I have stage fright, I’m shy, not the talking type. If you're a restless introvert looking for an interesting read, these introvert book picks will help. Make suggestions only once and don’t use money to buy goodwill. I’ve been hanging out with a guy once and awhile and we have gone for ice cream and saw some movies. The Child will sense emotional availability. It feels rude, but I know now, it’s not. Here are some signs your introverted teen needs help: If these tendencies go on long enough, they can be indications of depression, social anxiety, and can oftentimes lead to school refusal. I am glad you emphasized acceptance, because it is hard. Also, should I be taking the phone away when in school/sport groups? Then you could explain that an introvert is someone who needs more time alone to feel at their best. The only concern which she told me recently that explained why she was pushy was that she was worried that I wouldn’t have friends and that is important. Keep it coming!!! Be a sounding board not a prescriber. At this point… What can I do to help? As an introvert myself, and the mother of a introverted teenage daughter, my feling is that, no matter how well intorverts come to understand and accept their own introversion, we unfortunately live in a world where extroversion is assumed to be the norm and the preferred way of being. He will immediately be able to sense your acceptance and will feel happier and more secure around you. They might wonder, Hardest thing I do as a parent. Yeah I have the same thing, I do enjoy going out with them. Unfortunately introverted students have a higher likelihood of experiencing bullying in traditional school environments. How do you enjoy winter when you're not a winter person? I’m an extroverted parent too and just realized today that I have been doing everything wrong for my 15 year old son. Maybe it’s just not that she’s introverted, maybe she has something else? My family raise their eyebrows when I start running out of energy in a party and I wanna go home (after all, I’m the only HSP in the family). She needs to diffuse it. If I tell her to do something she just don’t want to do she rolls her eyes and stomps to her room. I promised him I would respect his preferences and listen to him and his needs from now on. But high sensitivity has some amazing positives. I’ve tried to encourage him over the years, but now I am just scared for him. My parents don’t understand my wanting to be alone and read all the time and my older brother (21) makes fun of me. In a youth culture that celebrates individuality and extroversion, your introverted teen may struggle to find the right group of friends that respect their quiet ways and offer a positive influence. College coaches wonder if she can lead their team. xxo. Most introverts can talk at length about topics that are of interest to them. I do feel bad that maybe he is lonely but he’s a lovely young man and goes to college and works at weekends. Highly sensitive people are deep thinkers, tuned in to other people and their emotions, and see things that others miss. But then a week ago he invited me to go kayaking 5 days away. They are creative, peace-loving, and full of empathy. I’m so glad to read this , it’s great information and I will definitely be more understanding. It is going to be a difficult thing to do since he has no work experience and he is extremely quiet. Hi Grace, thanks for sharing that! He has started saying things like he wish he was mute and that he wish that he could go into a coma for 3 years. A great way to respect their time alone while also staying connected is to find an activity that you both enjoy. You may feel guilty about not saying or doing the rig, Introvert dating is challenging, especially when you overthink every aspect. At first, she assumed that something was wrong with her son. She always had a small group of friends in high school,but that fell apart as the group began to go their own way! I too have an adult daughter who is very bright and just graduated from a top university. My 16 yoa son has a story similar to so many of you. You offer some great advice. Your teen may have a few good friends and it may take them awhile to open up to people. Does your daughter have any friends? thanks in advance for your direction!! Instead of pressing for immediate resolution, let your teen know that you’re available when she’s ready to talk. . I raised an introverted daughter who also has social phobias. Stop sitting around all alone. That means that she’ll really cherish the time you spend with her and no one else. Determining what personality type your son or daughter has can go a long way in understanding teenagers and how they will react in certain social situations. Her coaches have been great and kind of handle her with kids glove. Repeat – Effective parenting is possible as the positive connection between me and child is now reestablished. For extroverted parents, knowing how to deal with an introverted teen can be especially confusing. I pray that I can develop a better relationship with my son and that he will forgive and learn to trust me someday. Explain what it’s like from your point of view. “My daughter has suddenly stopped talking at home? But in the middle of my yelling and pushing and telling her all the things she needs to do and change, I remember that book and that I should give her a hug. I occasionally hang out with some friends and recently just got comfortable with a couple of friends from my high school track and cross country team but we barely hang out. I’m an extrovert mom with an introvert 14 year old daughter. X. I am the mom of a 16 year old introvert. . 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